Infertility and Loss on Mother’s Day

Today is May 11th. It is this time every year that gets a bit rough for me... My friends from my hometown know it’s party week- and I am always on board. I always need the distraction sometime around the second week of May. Usually, I find it in the traffic, beer, and golf that surrounds TPC week in good old Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. (If you aren’t a golf fan or from Jacksonville- google the Tournament Players Championship... I grew up across the street from the course!) 

This year, instead of spending a couple of days watching the best golfers in the business hit their balls into the water on #17 with a beer in my hand and surrounded by friends... I am staying in a hotel in Mississippi hiding out from all of the Mother’s Day Festivities.

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Those of you reading this who have experienced infertility or know someone who has... Know that this post has nothing to do with golf... or being in a new place with no family and only a few new friends... You knew the second I talked about the beginning of May being rough- that this was all about Mother’s Day. And I want you to know, you are not alone. 

I admitted it. Every year I use a golf tournament as a distraction after I send presents and cards to the mothers in my life to forget that this year, once again, I am not yet a mom. Usually I do a great job at staying busy to try to avoid the subject... This year I am facing it head on. How many of you are struggling with figuring out how to do the same?

Do you log out of Facebook for the weekend? Go on vacation? Shut your phone off entirely? Or do you pray that this 2nd Sunday in May... Will be the last 2nd Sunday where you do not have a little one to share it with?

I can tell you, as a full spectrum doula dealing with women in all seasons- from birth and postpartum to infertility and bereavement, even I do not have the answers on how to avoid hiding out this Mother’s Day Weekend. Though I am a professional in this field- I too am a woman, a wife, a daughter, a loss mother, and a PCOS warrior fighting for her chance to have someone to call me mom around the house. 

What I do know- is that there are resources out there for you. You are not alone in this struggle- there are many other women like us, truthfully more than you think. Too often us women who have suffered losses or with infertility choose to hide out and stay quiet because it hurts less than talking about our journeys. And though sometimes that is what is best for us- I want you all to know that I am holding space for you this Mother’s Day Weekend. If this year is your year to find the courage to speak up about your struggle or to help another woman through her journey, I am here for you- just like the amazingly strong women who have been there for me every step so far. 

For everyone who has gotten this far... Whether you have been through the uphill battle of Infertility, or suffered the excruciating pain of losing a child- or you know someone close to you has been through hell. I challenge you to reach out this weekend. A quick “Hello, I have been thinking about you.” may mean the world this Mother’s Day Weekend. I know for me it has already been so encouraging to know I am not alone.

Remember that 1 in 8 women have suffered or will suffer with infertility in America. 1 in 4 women will experience a pregnancy loss. The odds are that many women you know are struggling in silence. Be sensitive with your social media posts this weekend. You may never know who in your village is fighting this battle. 

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Happy Mother’s Day to ALL of the Amazing Mothers who read my blogs. 

Leah

To learn more visit:

(for infertility)

www.resolve.org 

www.infertilityawareness.org

(for pregnancy loss)

www.stillbirthday.com

www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org

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Leah Dubin